Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Break Neck Diet


It has been a wild and Crazy time with Randy laid up for 6 weeks, we went through the scary " what ifs to the Holy Shits.. but equally as scary. He had 8 vertebrates fused in his neck and was in pretty a painful state for about one month. He did hallucinate to the point that I started questioning myself. He actually told me his wife was a "Bitch "
Really, I replied, so what do you think about me?" Your golden he replied with a big shit eating grin on his face.. " But my wife plans on selling this house and buying a boat and just leaving!" I smiled, " Yea, I think she is thinking about it!"

Thursday, January 13, 2011

COLA

Wm T. would often say, "It only cost a nickel more to go top shelf." When he sent you to the store, no one dared point out inflation, or the Cost of Living Allowance. These weren't relevant. This basic fact still held true. Quality isn't much more expensive than cheap. Plus the fact that quality is much more enjoyable to use while you are using it.
In the book world, I have been torn between my eReader and hard copy books, for I love them both for somewhat different reasons. Last week on a quirk, I went scouring the internet for leather bound books. An Edgar Allen Poe book went for eighteen dollars, but some leather bound classics were over a thousand. I took Bill's simple approach by buying a leather cover for my Kindle for a mere thirty five bucks.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Revisited

Brian wrote the following story when he was at the cottage. It is a bit scary, so read at your own risk.

The Visit, by Brian

He crouched at the edge of the bed on one knee alternately pulling at his sleeve and HITTING him on the ear with his social finger cocked against his thumb to give it more spring when it was released. This could be painful enough to bring tears to the eyes of many a victim. Finally Brian wakes from a fitful sleep to see his brother Butch crouched by his bedside with a big mischievous grin on his face. “ What the hell are you doing here?” You’ve been dead for over two years now for chrissake” said Brian. "Where did you get all those stitch marks all over your face? “You look like hammered shit and your scaring me.” “I’m not really dead” said Butch. “They put us all in a camp. Everybody thinks were dead but we’re not. They just have us all hidden in this big camp. That’s where all the stitch marks come from on my face, from me trying to get through the wire when I first got here. I never did get out and I was starting to think they were lying about us not being dead.” Brian rolled over to one side and propped himself up on one elbow. ”look , in the first place I wake up fifty percent of the time with nightmares from that bullshit war in Vietnam and now I get woke up by you thumping me on the ear and telling me you’re not dead. I cried at your funeral until my knee caps went dry. When the red cross notified me that you were dead I told myself that ma had just pulled some tricky shit to keep me stateside and not have to go to Vietnam. You know how tricky Hope could be, so I went along with the gag all the way home having a good brace of gin on the plane and praying that was the case. When I got home I called my friend Bill and told him I would be over to see him because Hope had just pulled some shit and pretended Butch was dead so I wouldn’t have to go to Viet Nam. He said ”I don’t think so Brian I saw your brother Mike coming out of the funeral home today and yes it was true, you were f..... dead. I don’t even think you are who you say you are even now.” “oh yea” said Butch,” i even brought my thunderbird with me for the weekend.” The one you and I got in trouble with.” Remember the time on a Friday night when I picked you up off the sidewalk on your way home from school?” We went to Sandusky to buy a new shirt for the friday night dance and ass kicken contest? we went down that side street that that state cop happened to live and he chased us down the street in his own car and gave me a ticket on an empty match box. I tore it up in his face and threw it on the side walk and told him if you’re going to give me a ticket you better have a real ticket book, a real police car and a uniform,go f... yourself.” “you bet I remember said Brian, If it weren’t for Hope and Tony you wouldn’t have had time to die. You would still be in court. Do you remember how when we went home after you got done buying your new friday night shirt to either get into a fight in or get lucky and we told the story to Hope? She got all nervous and realized the cop had taken your license plate number no matter what he wrote your ticket on. She decided to nip it in the bud. In her devious mind she realized that Tony was of the same size and stature as you and could almost be a twin. She had Tony put on the hooded sweat that you were wearing and off we went to the state police post. Hope, tony and myself drove that eight miles in about fifteen minutes and didn’t rehearse a thing on the way. We had Tony take your place because Hope knew that he wouldn’t lose his temper like you and want to fight the old cop. You stayed home and drank beer while we went on this mission to save your ass. We walked into the police station and I gave Hope the nod that it was the same cop on duty desk that Butch and I had encountered on his way to work. There was nobody else in the station but this old sergeant about to retire and stuck behind the desk until that would ultimately happen. After Hope got my signal she was on. ”Hello Captain, I’m Hope Quinlan and I guess you already know this pair. When they told me what happened this afternoon I told them to jump in the car and show you some respect as in apologizing. I never raised my kids to be disrespectful of older people period, LET alone an officer of the law. They are here to apologize and I apologize myself if I have missed something in their upbringing I did not raise any of my twelve children that way but we all know nobody is perfect. perhaps you may have made a mistake or two in your lifetime but if you did I’m sure they were small ones.” “God that woman was good.” The cop kept looking at me and Tony. He was possibly not buying the scam that Tony was you. His superiors might start claiming dementia or something AND SCREW HIM OUT OF HIS RETIREMENT. HE EITHER BOUGHT THE LARK OR WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO CONTEST IT. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL THING. TONY STARTED TALKING TO HIM ABOUT A DRUG POSTER ON CANNABIS AND DIVERTED HIS ATTENTION. FINALLY THE COP JUST TOLD HIM IT WAS SERIOUS BUSINESS TALKING TO AN OFFICER OF THE LAW THE WAY HE DID AND TORE UP HIS NEW TICKET HE WAS ABOUT TO MAIL ONCE AGAIN YOU WERE LET OFF THE HOOK.
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU ARE ONE 0F THE DARK MINIONS OF THE NIGHT PLAYING THE ROLE OF AN IMPOSTOR OR MAYBE WE HAVE CROSSED PATHS. YOU LOOK LIKE MY BROTHER BUT I HAVE BEEN TRICKED BEFORE. IF THE ONLY TIME YOU CAN VISIT ME IS AT NIGHT WHEN I AM TRYING TO SLEEP, THAN I DON’T THINK YOU ARE YOU. I THINK YOU ARE ME. I REALLY LIKED THE VISIT FROM ME TO ME. I WAS THE ONLY ONE IN THE ROOM. YOU DIDN’T VISIT ME, I VISITED MYSELF.
THE NEXT TIME YOU COME FOR ONE OF YOUR VISITS, COULD YOU PLEASE NOT THUMP ME ON THE EAR. IT HURTS LIKE HELL.